Bishop Eddie Long And The Real Issue We're Up Against

My blog was solely created to discuss my constant fascination with love and relationships, but my heart has been so heavy with the Bishop Eddie Long scandal that I could not help to give my two cents. I am affected by the news in a way that most people are not. When people are either laughing at yet another fallen religious leader or questioning his sexual orientation I see the issue as an opportunity to discuss the unfair assumption of sexuality that we as a society place on black men. You see what Bishop Eddie Long is facing really has nothing to do with his sexuality and the fact that people cannot see the difference breaks my heart.  I believe it constant ignorance and prejudice regarding sexuality and gender that contributes to the devastating continuation of sexual deviance.

On Sunday, after Mr. Long addressed his church, many people over Twitter began to respond with comments about his sexuality. “He’s so gay and he wants no one to know”. Or the opposite sentiment but with the same assumption “ Who cares if Eddie Long is gay. Let’s just get over it”. While one commenter sees sexuality as a secret characteristic worth seeking out, the other comes from a place of acceptance- but both completely ignore the most important issue at hand:

SEXUAL ABUSE IS AN ISSUE OF POWER AND MANIPULATION MORE THAN AN ISSUE OF SEXUAL EXPRESSION

If the issue was solely about Eddie Long being a gay man then what we would be exploring is his secretive relationship with a man, but in fact what is being investigated is Eddie Long using his position as a church leader to influence and manipulate young men into performing sexual acts. What Eddie Long is being accused of is not being gay – he’s being accused of sexual molestation and more importantly violating another human being through manipulation and power. Somehow that is easily being overlooked.

 On Sunday I tweeted “If the allegations are true, Eddie Long is NOT a gay man- he’s a sexual deviant-molester-abuser”. Immediately I began to receive various “thank yous” from gay men who immediately understood my point. But I also received replies innocently asking for an explanation. As one girl asked,” I don’t understand. Can you explain? Isn’t being gay attracted to the same sex?”  My comment was not about making a proclaiming his sexuality. It was about bringing attention to the fact that being a sexual predator is not a diagnosis of sexuality. Eddie Long’s sexuality is not being investigated. Sexual abuse is the issue at hand. Somehow not every one sees or understands that there is an actual difference.

Because the alleged act is between individuals of the same sex, it is somehow pushing the issue of abuse under the table. I find the whole thing bizarre and heartbreaking! In various Internet comment sections discussing the issue, there are multiple comments like this one:  “How could they be abused when they were 16 years old? They knew what they were doing.” Then I have to ask: What happens if you place a 16-year-old girl in the situation? Would people easily oversee the issue of abuse and molestation simply because of her age? Does that mean a 40-year-old woman cannot be fondled without her consent or even manipulated into a sexual act in fear of being fired from her job or threatened with bodily harm? Would we immediately say a woman couldn’t be raped at 16 because she obviously knows what sex is at that age? Because the issue involves men- and especially black men- no one seems to see or even care how these boys could have been victims.

Through this issue I cannot help but feel pain and sorrow for men as a whole. Regardless of sexuality and race, a man’s masculinity is directly correlated to his sexuality in a way that is beyond crippling. A true “man” is a sexual warrior, glorified by the amount of sex he has and his various conquests. A woman has the ability to be sexualized regardless of how she expresses sexuality. Women who are virgins are seen as hot and even sexy and often the least number of sexual partners increases a woman’s value. If a man is not having sex, something is wrong with him. If he is still a virgin, he’s not a “man”. And those that are not expressing themselves sexually often have their sexuality questioned. No wonder why there are so many men with repressed sexuality in the churches, so many sexual crimes against women by men, and so many men afraid of “coming out”.  Crossing both heterosexuality and homosexuality we have made it so hard for a man to simply be… just who he is.

Regardless of the lives altered by whatever happened under Bishop Eddie Long’s parish, I hope that the one possible positive light through this scandal is a dialogue regarding men and sexuality. 1 in 6 men are sexually abused before the age of 16. So many of them keep it a secret and never discuss it because they are in fear of their own masculinity being questioned. The longer we continue to ignore the possibility of men being victimized sexually, the more sexual predators we allow to continue to hurt others.