Only recently I realized I like big men. Not really fat (though I have been there before) but men of “size”. The only problem is they have to also work out. Not crazy work out but value getting off the couch and being active. I also don’t like skinny men, short men, and men who have too much power. I love men who are creative, entrepreneurial, value family, love to travel, men who are social and like to read.
Preference:
1: the power or opportunity of choosing
2: one that is preferred
3: the act, fact, or principle of giving advantages to some over others
As I look at my choices, those that I give advantages to over others, I realize they have a lot more to do with me then the man that I am looking for. If anyone took the time to examine what I like they could probably learn more about my past experiences then I would like them to know. Pretty much my preferences show what I value. And what I value comes from experiences that I had that I enjoyed as well as those moments that I never plan to experience again (Tip # 1: Never date a broke rapper). The problem is, our preferences are not only reflections of what we have experienced but also more importantly reflections of what we interpreted from the experience. Are you following? Two people can have the same experience but interpret it in two different ways. Happens all the time with siblings. Siblings can experience divorce. One learns to value a strong marriage- the type of marriage their parents didn’t have while the other values autonomy-never having to rely on other only to be disappointed. My point is when your preferences are all about you, how important are they to dating? Can our thoughts about our past, block us from our future?
I know I don’t like standing next to a skinny or small man. It makes me uncomfortable on many levels. It all goes back to what I feel about my size and never liking to feel like “the big girl”. Is it safe to say that I couldn’t be happy in a relationship with a man a few inches shorter then me? I like men who are creative, often men who have unconventional careers. Again, I think this choice is all about feeling safe in my choice to be a writer. Am I overlooking a possible great relationship with a CPA?
On the other side, your preferences also show what works for you. Regardless of where they come from, you know it’s what makes you comfortable so why order Salmon when you know you don’t like fish? I know dating a Republican is just not going to work for me. I don’t respect their values and more importantly, what the hell would we agree on?
My point is, what does your preferences say about you? Which of them are trivial and which ones of them really do matter when it comes to finding a suitable partner? So often are preferences are established from fear then really about lifestyle and morals. I recently met a woman who won’t date men who can’t dress. She went out on a date with a guy who wore a trench coat. With a belt. Inspector Gadget and it wasn’t Halloween. Sure, I get it, not sure I’d be excited to go out with him again but really… the jacket comes off. Does knowing how to dress have anything to do with what makes a great partner?
Check it out for yourself. What are your preferences that you can’t live without and what are the ones that you might give a pass to?
Maybe I should be open to dating a Republican… Um, no….maybe I should not.
