ASSUMPTIONS - THE RELATIONSHIP KILLER

I love this moment between Oprah and Whoopi (starts at the 2:00 minute mark). After years of thinking each other was mad at the other they finally realize for 25 years they were fighting over nothing. You can see the truth of the moment when both women begin to cry. It's so real and so true. 

I can’t help but think of a similar moment I had with a good friend. We were going through a sticky time in our friendship and instead of really talking about it, months went by with the unspoken tension. She was in a new and very serious relationship and because of it our friendship did not have the same dynamic. We didn’t talk as frequently and more importantly, we didn’t see each other and hang out as much. I assumed the friendship wasn’t of importance to her anymore. It wasn’t that she didn’t care about it but in my head, our friendship in her life was simply different from what it used to be. She didn’t need to lean on her girlfriends the same way I did being single. In my mind, the only action that needed to be taken was for me to restructure my life and my friendships. I started to pull away and mentally placed her as one of my good friends then one of my best friends. But after a couple months of this she was the bigger person and approached me to talk about our unspoken issues.

At the time I really didn’t want to talk about it because the wall was already placed. No need to discuss something that wasn’t going to change. But I was wrong. What I assumed and allowed myself to believe was so far from the truth. She wanted and needed the friendship just as much as I did. Her new relationship could not at all replace the need for true real friendship and because I was pulling away she assumed that I wasn’t interested in fixing the friendship and willing to walk away. Without that conversation I would have continued harboring my own assumption about her life, as she would have about mine. In 20 minutes of the truth, our friendship was back on track.

Whoopi and Oprah went on for 25 years without someone saying  “Can we talk?” I can’t help but think of how many relationships we have ruined by the story we have decided to believe in our heads. Especially in love relationships. I know I am guilty of reacting to a man’s actions based on what I think it means. He hasn’t called; he’s obviously dating someone else.  He’s too quiet; he must be upset about something he’s not saying…and so on and so on.  Like the previous post, we as people are so afraid of the truth that we have ruined friendships, marriages, and even family dynamics simply by not saying a word.

Let’s talk to each other, even if the truth might hurt, its more assuring to know what is really going on and know how to deal with it.

Life is too precious and way too short.