Why Tracy McMillan Is Right- It's Time To Look In The Mirror

Tracy McMillan is smart, honest, and on point.  On Valentine's Day she wrote an article for The Huffington Post letting every woman know exactly "Why You Are Still Single". She's pointed out what a lot of women are not ready to hear - when we have suffered a string of failed relationships or have gone years without a date, the majority of the time the issue is us, not them. She lists six reasons from being materialistic to being just a plain bitch. What she alludes to but doesn’t mention is we all have our own issues to work through and if we haven’t been able to hold down a relationship when we actually want to, it's time to take a long hard look in the mirror. I wrote a similar post myself last year in August (The Reason You Are Single) pointing out the same sentiment - s0 many of us are so quick to blame our issues on someone else. But what I think many women are having issue with after reading Tracy’s article is the idea that we have to change if we want to be married. And the truth is we do! 

The institution of marriage wasn't created for two equal people with careers and full lives to love and cherish each other. It was made so that a man didn't have to take care of his daughters forever. A man would come take her off his hands and she would take care of him and give him a bunch of babies. (Please read, I Don't by Susan Squire)  Throughout the years, marriage became about love and through the feminist movement women began to establish our own ideals about marriage, careers and motherhood. Now we make up our own rules but the unfortunate part is that we have expected marriage to change just as much as we have. I think it's just becoming to catch up to us. 

All this to say is we have to understand our ideals as single women do not easily translate to what it means to be in a partnership. And the same rules apply to men. Being married and being single require two different mindsets, therefore if you are looking to be married, it's time to do the hard work and figure out why the hell you are still single. 

What I do love about Tracy's article that many women who disagree have seem to miss is Tracy admits marriage isn’t the dreamy fantasy that many want to believe. As she points out, 

"Marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don't deserve it. Because most of the time, your messy, farting, macaroni-and-cheese eating man will not be doing what you want him to".

So many of the things that us career minded independent women refuse to do are the virtues that actually make the idea of marriage work. We are not happy every single day or our single lives, not sure why we expect to be in bliss every single day when it comes to being in a relationship. Some of us don’t need to be married and that is more than ok. These days we are so blessed to have marriage as a choice, not a need.  Our lives might end up being more fulfilled if we begin to create them for who we actually are then following the status quo. 

For those that want and need to be married, we need to look in the mirror and truly answer, why we still single. For me that answer is much more extensive than the standard “I just haven’t met the right guy”.  I‘m just beginning to become the right girl able and willing to meet the right guy. The more that becomes more established everything else becomes much more easier to deal with.