He's Just Not That Into You - Dealing With The End Before The Beginning

Man, dating is not for the faint at heart. And as you get older it just seems to get a little more difficult staying open to new situations. In the short time of just a month, I have dealt with the fear and anxiety from two different men when facing the possibility of a new relationship. I use to think those that were able to be single and stand strong alone through life as the resilient ones but now it becomes apparent those that are able to walk through the hurt, the fear, and the risk to actually share their life with someone else are the strong ones.

I remember reading He’s Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo in my twenties and feeling like I finally found the answer to all my dating problems. Finally all of the hours spent with my friends trying to figure out what was going through his head could easily be answered with a simple yet extremely expressive phrase. It was liberating and powerful, allowing me to finally have some ownership in the end of a relationship. Unfortunately, with maturity, I’ve come to realize, that maybe the end of a relationship is not always that simple.

Men are put at a disadvantage when dealing with emotion. As women we have been allowed ever since we were little girls to be afraid and have someone come and let us know that everything would be okay. Were able to voice disappointment. Cry when things don’t go our way and spend hours on the phone with our girlfriends to talk through whatever is bothering us. Although the process can be compulsive and indulgent we’re given the opportunity to work through our emotions over and over again when men are often required to suck it up and keep it moving. The only problem is so often none of what they are really dealing with gets resolved and just sits there affecting them year after year. And as a woman, when it comes to dating, every so often I interact with a man still unconsciously dealing with what happened way back when. When that happens his inconsistencies and hesitations have much more to do with occurrences and experiences that really have nothing to do with me than the phrase, he’s just not that into you. Sometimes, he is so into you he’s not willing to let go, or so into you he’s scared to even consider being once again in a serious relationship.

These gray areas that arrive when it comes to love and relationships doesn’t mean the finality of some situations can not be explained away with “he’s just not that into you”. After being in an enough failed attempts with men it becomes much easier to separate the grays from the black and whites. But the resolution of personal issues of trust and fear really can’t be resolved through another person. It’s a personal affair no matter how understanding the other person can be. When it comes to men, the choice to deal with personal baggage often has nothing to do with the woman and has everything to do with timing.

As much as He’s Just Not That Into You and He’s So Into You But can be so different, they are so similar in the most important account. In either situation, you got to let him go and be willing to hold out for the person willing to walk down the path beside you regardless of what happened today, yesterday or even what could possibly happen tomorrow.