How many of you know of a guy that decided “the next woman I’m with is my wife” or a girl that said “by this time next year I will be engaged” and they got it? The idea behind those proclamations is being in control. Setting out an intention and allowing the universe to bring it to you. I am willing to play this game with my career and actually have played this game with love before and guess what, most of the time I get it but when it comes to love, how much do I want to be in control?
I think that is the root to my aversion to online dating. I feel like I am too much in control of whom I date and what I like. So much of what I like changes from year to year based on the experiences of previous choices. So much of what I liked at 25 is not apart of the equation now. Especially when it comes to love, being in control might not be the best thing simply because most of the time what I want isn’t necessarily what I need. As much as I complain about being single as the next girl, I know that God, the Universe, or whatever higher being you believe in, knows more about my journey then I do.
Right now I am online dating again and kicking and screaming throughout the whole experience. Truthfully it’s the only sure way I meet and able to experience different men. As much as that is a plus, I still grapple with how much control I have. So many people give me the stories of their friends that went online and got married not too long after. I have those same stories in my own circles. They set out to find someone and mission accomplished. There is no arguing, if you are looking to find someone, the best place to find them in online… but I don’t know if I am looking to find just someone.
But on the other hand, finding companionship is not always about finding the best fit. Maybe this idea of romantic love is just something that doesn’t truly exist. At least not in the realm that we believe in. Sure, romantic love is possible but it might not come 6’5 with a MFA and a Mercedes.
As we all know, marriage was never about love. It was about procreating and having someone to take care of our daughters. Maybe I need to realize being in control of my love life is probably the best and sure way of achieving the goal of being married and having children. But as time goes by… I don’t know how much I am attached to those ideals anymore.
Whenever I am facing what I believe to be a bad situation, I always take a set back, give myself a moment of silence and look at the situation from a different perspective. What am I not looking at? In those situations I can easily change something that I hate to do to something that I would love to do. Simply by looking at it from a different angle. Essentially, we can do the same with love. Maybe I just need to allow myself to be in full control of my love life and stop seeing it as such a bad deal. We can control what makes us mad or what makes us laugh, therefore we can control who and when to fall in love.
Thanks to online dating, I have a date tonight. Who knows…maybe its time to take the lead and fall.
Wow,
ReplyDeleteNot only do I love your style of writing, but that is definitely food for thought. Also, consider dating with no real strong expectations. This way, you don't trick yourself into falling in love. That's what I believe most of us do. We naturally seek companionship because it feels right and then we settle for what we tricked ourselves in believing we wanted. I hope you have fun tonight and in due time, I hope the Universe gives you the best to fit your genius and personality. This way, at 35, you will know it was your wisdom held you down.