I have an ex boyfriend that shows up literally every time his name is mentioned. We don’t live in the same city or even really speak often but when his name comes up in conversation I know we’re going to run into each other. I haven’t seen him in years and he came up in conversation the other day and sure enough a half an hour later, there he was walking across the street. Used to this funny way of meeting, we shared a laugh, a knowing smile and continued on with our lives.
This interaction couldn’t help but get me thinking about soul mates. There is no denying, my ex and I are connected in a powerful way. A connection that is no doubt specific to only him and I. But that connection doesn’t translate to being the best partner for me. Our relationship was a mess and forever will be. It broke us down and made each of us miserable. I love him, will continue to love him, but I have no interest in being with him.
I believe our soul mates are people that we intrinsically know on a spiritual level -an intense attraction and emotion that is beyond explanation or logic. As Wayne Dyer says "Your soul mate is the person you can't stand". His idea is that soul mates are the people who cause the most challenges for us. The ones we can't ignore and learn the most personal lessons from. If that's the case, I've been lucky enough to have a couple soul mates in my life.
The interesting idea about this concept is that soul mates don't necessarily translate to the person we should or can spend the rest of our lives with. The connection and experience caused by a soul mate is so deep and life changing it’s not meant to last more then a specific point in time. Soul mates come as best friends, lovers, and sometimes strangers on the street (I had a conversation with a man in Paris that was unbelievable) but the person you spend your life with should be the person who shows up as constant and steady, right?
I think of it like clothes: You are more inclined to wear a simple pair of blue jeans over and over again then the diamond studded leather pants right? You love those leather pants but they sit in your closet more often then the desire to put them on. Now the jeans- they not only go with everything, ca be worn any season, but they also have this magical ability to fit you regardless of what kind of shape you are in. So essentially we all need to find that perfect pair of jeans.
The hard part is that pair of jeans has to really fit. I mean really fit. In real life I hate shopping for jeans because even though the size might say they fit but that doesn’t always reflect what they are going to look on me. Even within the same brand, sometimes two different pairs of the same size look completely different. So it’s always a long process and I have to try a whole bunch of pairs to find the ones that feel like they were made just for me.
In relationships, I guess it’s the same thing. Not only does the guy have to fit but he has to have something special going on so that I don’t get bored. Ahh…. My Achilles heel- passion, adventure, spontaneity- the qualities that I love in a man in the beginning but hate months later. But if I consider Dr. Wayne Dyer's thought its in these moments of frustration and being uncomfortable that life is all about!
This point in my life I straddle between looking for that immense fire that stops me in my tracks or do I look for the cool slow burn that has the ability last a lifetime?
I do have to say that’s the great part about dating. The more jeans that I try on, the more I understand what I am looking for in the right fit.
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