SHIFT HAPPENS - NEW PERSPECTIVES IN THE NEW YEAR

Somehow, somewhere in the later part of 2010 I experienced a shift. Not sure what caused the changed but I feel like I entered 2011 completely different from the person I was for the majority of 2010.  After months of feeling left behind as close girlfriends started to have children and disappear into serious relationships, I started to explore why dating felt like a chore when it was so easy and effortless in my 20’s. I was only worried about if he was cute, does he make me laugh, and could his friends hang with mine. Now in my 30’s, I found myself going through a long list of questions and assumptions before even considering meeting a man for coffee. Dating in my 20’s was about the experience when somehow dating in my 30’s had become all about could I marry him. But the most important question I couldn’t answer was…

WHEN DID DATING BECOME SO DAMN SERIOUS?

Ladies, somehow between 28 and 31, we lost our ability to have fun. Marriage and children became this flashing neon sign following us wherever we go. Somehow marriage and children becomes the only gateway to happiness that without them, life is put on pause. Why do we do this to ourselves? We bind ourselves to these deadlines and stages of life that really at the end of the day are not as important as we make them.  Somewhere around September it became so clear to me… No wonder dating was a struggle! Who would want to date someone who was constantly on edge. My high beams were on- in desperate need for someone or something to prove my life was valuable. The only way to describe it is, I was miserable! So miserable that honestly, I wasn’t even aware of it. I was so caught up in what was “missing from my life” that I couldn’t even see how I was or could be apart of “the problem”.

Dating was easy in my 20’s because I never approached it from a place of lack, want, or need. I didn’t carry a list of who “HE” should be or judgment about what my age meant for me then or the very daunting future. Then, the future was this thing I probably should have been worried about it was too far away to really be concerned with it. It was coming regardless if I planned for it right? Somehow when I crossed over to 30, the future became this encompassing force looming over my head blocking any possible light. It was such a constant thought that I had no room for what was really going on in my life that I missed multiple opportunities to be in control of what I was experiencing.

I got sick and tired of being…sick and tired. I set out to find that fun girl of my 20’s who just wanted to have a great time. I started to seek the freedom that I once had when everything was possible.

Lately I have been living outside of those walls that I quickly built in the short years after 30. I started to pursue men that I usually wouldn’t. I now flirt with the assumption of attraction and interest instead of sitting and waiting for him to come talk to me. I haven’t been concerned with my age, the future, or why and when.  The greatest part of it all is, not only am I beginning to date more then I have in years, but I am also dating some really great men. By giving up the constant worry and frustration, I have become more of the fun loving and confident girl that I have really always been.

I’m really excited about 2011. I feel like I’ve come into a new sense of ownership and authority that I oddly could not get to without the carelessness of my 20’s and the harsh focus of my early 30’s.  This year is going to be great because I know I can have all that I want because nothing is missing! I already…we already… have it all.