SIX SIGNS YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS OVER BEFORE YOU KNOW IT

Right now I am working on a rewrite of a script where a man is devastated of the loss of his marriage and goes through some drastic changes in hopes of them getting back together. But the problem is the relationship was over way before he realized it and he ends up chasing the memory of the good relationship that hasn’t been around for years. It’s amazing how much clarity we receive about relationships after the fact but when we are in them we can’t see a thing. Therefore, my mind started to create the following list…

Six Signs Your Relationship is Over Before You Know It:

YOU CAN’T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME YOU HAD SEX

Sure, couples go in and out of phases where they have more sex then others. But if the thought of sex hasn’t entered your mind then there is a problem. If someone else’s discussion about their sex life sparks the memory that you haven’t had sex with your partner is a long time…you’ve lost interest. This means you haven’t missed it. Sex has fallen off the radar and your boyfriend is quickly becoming a best friend.

HE DOESN’T RETURN YOUR PHONE CALL AND YOU IMMEDIATELY THINK HE IS CHEATING

 I always said I would rather have my man cheat on me then become suspicious of it. I know that sounds odd but for anyone who has been cheated on, not being able to trust someone is excruciating, frustrating and damn right stressful. Every moment becomes a possible time of deceit. I remember waking a friend up at 6 am to come with me to spy on my boyfriend’s apartment building. Yeah – not one of my brightest moments. Therefore I’ve always valued the ability to trust my partner. The moment you can’t trust your partner for some reasons like not returning a phone call quickly enough is a sign that you two are going downhill.

You begin to embellish details of your relationship

If you start telling your friends about the amazing dinner he cooked for you when it was really just heating up Top Ramen leftovers you already have your foot out the door without even knowing it. You’re living in a fantasy of another relationship that is not yours. I can always tell when a friends relationship is going to last or not by if she is willing to tell the truth about it. When she’s able to complain about the small stuff and admit he’s not perfect as well as gush about him then I know she’s really in it. It’s the ones who are always happy and he is always perfect that always makes me wonder what’s really going on.

You lie to spend time by yourself

I remember when one of my boyfriend’s would stress me out so much that I would lie about having a work event just so I can spend time by myself. Being in a room without having to be around him was a release. Of course also a huge sign that the relationship was heading towards a break up and quick. Not that you have to want to be with your boyfriend all the time but when you start to enjoy being by yourself a lot more then being with him… it’s time to call it quits.

YOU START CONTACTING YOUR EX OUT OF THE BLUE

My last post was about being able to still be friends with your ex. I still believe in being friends with an ex is possible even if you are in a new relationship but I don’t think a constant check up and interest in what he is doing is a good sign. When you start making frequent check ups and wanting to hang out, you are obviously escaping from your current situation. It’s always more comfortable to be with someone who knows you then having to entertain the possibility of meeting someone new but when you start wanting to tell your ex about your new promotion before your current boyfriend, it might be time to rethink your situation.

You start fights on purpose

His socks being on the floor cause a huge blow out where you don’t speak for days. You complain that he’s spending too much time at work. He always wants to listen to his radio station in the car instead of considering what you want to listen to. When it feels like everything he is doing is wrong, you are looking for a way out. Sometimes it can be easier to make someone leave you then actually doing the hard work of break up.

I’ve always been amazed by couples that were together for years before they broke up. But the truth is we spend so much time in relationships in hopes that they will get better then leaving when they have ran it’s course. Terry McMillan tweeted today “We often fall in love with the wrong people and just don’t want to admit it because we’re too busy being in love.” I think the real gem is knowing when you are just going through a rough patch versus when knowing that things are so messed up there are not getting any better. I might not know the difference but what I do know is more often red flags start waving way before we actually are able to see them.