The power of reality TV is amazing. I had never really paid much attention to LaLa or Carmelo Anthony before, but after watching LaLa’s Full Court Wedding I have a newfound appreciation for Ms. Lala. And their son Kiyan? He’s got to be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen?! Besides their to die for offspring, my favorite moment of the premiere episode on Sunday was when Lala had lunch with her best guy friend, Tyrese. As soon as she sits down, Tyrese goes in hard with the questions. He asks, “You’ve mastered being a girlfriend, are you ready to be a wife?” He points out that being a girlfriend is different from being a fiancé, which is completely different from being someone’s wife. The question might seem obvious to some but seriously….how many people actually enter a marriage understanding that they are building something different than the last couple years in a relationship?
Things got a little controversial when Tyrese asked why Lala wasn’t hanging out with married women. He went on to say that her single friends were no longer in the same space as she was in and to have a successful marriage she needed to not only hang out with married women but also hang out with women who actually have been married for a while.
Now, as a single woman who is currently going through shifts in my friendships as others settle into relationships, I immediately became defensive. Just because someone is single doesn’t mean his or her values are different A married woman can dismiss monogamy while a single woman can value it. Current relationship status does not correlate to morals or values. How dare he make such a blanket assumption?! But then I remembered the study that came out earlier this year.
Studies show that divorce is contagious within social networks. If you are in a social group of friends where one couple gets divorced, that decision can cause others to do the same. Not only can the divorce affect friends and family of the couple divorcing, but it can also affect relationships two degrees removed. The thought behind the study is marriage is hard. It’s not pretty and if others around you see divorce as an option, you will begin to see it as an option too. My own life played out similar to this study. Two years ago, my two close friends and I all went through major break ups within a two-week span. At the time we all thought it was just a coincidence but could it be possible that breaking up transferred between the three of us like a virus? Ironically (or not) the same happened around my ex boyfriend. After our break up, two of his friends began to go through serious break ups of their own.
So maybe Tyrese isn’t too off. There seems to be some validity in his request for Lala to be around married women. But I would take it a step further and add that it’s not just marriage status but more about being around like-minded women. Women who value maintaining a strong family foundation. We all know just being married doesn’t mean you got your priorities straight. Especially in LA.
Dr. James Fowler, the doctor that completed the study of divorce, also wrote Connected: The Surprising Power of Our Social Networks, a book about how we are all deeply affected by the people around us. Our connection to friends, family, and colleagues goes deeper than just our relationship status. Who we hang out affects our political views, what we we eat, and even how much we weigh. Therefore, Tyrese’s argument for Lala to be around women who are in the same stage of life really is good advice for everyone. We need to choose who we associate with wisely. Not on a superficial level but on a spiritual and intellectual level. We should choose our friends by what is important to us and who we want to be at that given time. Through life, morals and values change which only supports why friendships change through out time. Check out the people around you. Are they people that you respect? Are their lives in line with yours? Sure, it’s sad to see friendships come and go but in LaLa’s case, the effect of a wrong friendship is much stronger than it might appear.
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