Thursday, September 9, 2010

The Ex Factor





The beauty of relationships: The one person that you thought was the greatest invention to walk this earth can easily become the one person you can’t stand to look at.  I never could fully understand the idea of our past relationships simply become memories in a shoebox. Through our social understanding of breaking up, two people who were such an important factor in each other’s lives are to never speak again. I’m not sure if that is really the best thing for both people but it is what we do.

After the burn of a break up settles, I always have kept the possibility of contact with my exes open. Now, this is not about us hanging out like were best friends (even though I do that with some of them) but more about the door of communication never being locked. If I needed them for whatever reason or if I wondered how they were doing, I know I could reach out. Just like everyone else, I need my moment of distance to fully move on but also a huge part of moving on for me knows that we have forgiven, happily leaving our issues in the past. I once happily attended the wedding of an ex. Another ex even felt comfortable to call me for help in getting his current girlfriend’s engagement ring. Both men held a significant place in my life but the conversation was and has always been nothing but love. There was something that we mutually enjoyed and loved about the other and even though we are no longer in a relationship it doesn’t mean that connection no longer exists. It just means it exists in a new way.

Those that know me know I’ve never taken my relationships lightly. The men who I allow to enter my life as my so-called partner are people that I am deeply connected to. I don’t date people for the simple reason of dating. Relationships hold a very emotional and spiritual place in my life therefore when the relationship comes to an end; they have never been and will never be people who are disposable. My life does not move to a place as if they never existed.

I am a supporter of space and time to get over a failed relationship. There is no way to fully move on when people are friends and never create distance. But that doesn’t mean exes can’t not in due time be friends. On a spiritual level, exes are people who sometimes know you more than you know yourself. They are people who have shaped who you are and where you are going. I believe there is a beautiful reverence in that connection worth respecting.

As much as I am in communication with the majority of my ex boyfriends, there are a couple that want nothing to do with me. As much as it hurts, I try to take it as a compliment. The greatest indication of truly letting go is the ability to want nothing but the best for them. Regardless of time, space, and pain, the beautiful characteristics that drew me to my boyfriends of the past still remain. Even though it did not work out, I am thankful they gave love a try with me.




3 comments:

  1. It's funny how life differently life treats people. I've never thought it a good thing to stay connected with Ex's. I've seen nothing but drama from such situations. Not my own, but from friends around me.

    I think the only "connection" I have with an Ex is a "Hey, how ya doing?" on Facebook, and that was after at least 10 years had passed.

    To a certain extent, I think Television has allowed us to think it's okay to pursue and hold on to such connections. And obviously for some of us it works out fine.

    Like I said, it's funny how life treats people differently.

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  2. Interesting thought: Television has allowed us to think it is okay. What do you mean?

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  3. Well, Television is just a small part of it, but there are/have been a ton of shows/films where characters, sometimes multiples, have been in relationships "swapping spit" so to speak, and are still deeply embedded in each others lives after the relationships are over.

    It makes for some good juicy drama on screen, and it almost seems desirable to a point, but on one end of the spectrum, do we really want such drama in our lives?

    Not saying TV/Film is the blame, but when you see something often enough you can become desensitized to it.

    Sorry it took so long for me to respond.

    -JW

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