When I was a size 26, men approached me. Now when I walk into a room, guys really pay attention. But the sad fact is that volume hasn’t improved the quality. Most of the men who talk to me now aren’t men I would consider. Recently, a guy at a jazz club was staring at me for so long, I had to ask him if we knew each other. He explained that he was trying “to get drunk enough to get up the courage to talk to you.” Sorry, but liquid courage is not what I’m looking for in a man. Like it or not, being 300-plus pounds weeded out some of the losers who were too superficial to approach me back then.
Iman's daughter Zu wrote an article in the March Glamour highlighting her struggle with weight. This quote stuck out the most for me. It's interesting because I believe the idea that if you do not put yourself out there to find someone, you are inherently making sure that the only person stepping to you is of quality. Sometimes I do this to myself. If figure if I go out and hang around quietly the man who really comes to me, really knows my worth. I go back and forth on this, because I believe part of this is true but the other part is putting yourself at such a disservice. Because on the other side of putting out "quiet" and "reserved" is putting out "angry" and "boring". I think, and I have experienced, when you are not feeling good about yourself, people tend to notice, no matter how good you are at hiding it.
Weight is such a tricky issue. I believe you have to feel good about yourself at any size because confidence and love for life is so much more attractive and infectious then size 4 jeans. But at the same time, if you are nearly 300 pounds and choosing hostess Apple pies over Apples, how much do you really love yourself? I think black women struggle with this balance the most. Losing weight and taking care of your body does not mean we are falling into someone else's standards. There is real beauty in being healthy. Look at Jennifer Hudson. But at Zu has pointed out in her piece in Glamour, losing weight, even 140 pounds, doesn't bring you happiness. I think the happiness has to come first. At 5'10 and a size 10 -12, I struggle with finding that balance all the time. And regardless of what you see and hear in the media, I don't think men give a damn about what size you wear or really how much you weigh, do you look good, and is your body "bangin" is all that matters. And the great thing is looking good and feeling good can come at any size.
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