A girlfriend of mine and I have an ongoing argument. She is a subscriber to "the plight of the professional black woman". I don't necessarily believe all the hype. Yes, statistically it is all true but you become a statistic is you believe that you are. So if you lead your life as if you are more than capable of finding someone, I believe you will. As my father always says "the difference between succeeding and failing is giving up". But I went to an event the other night... And maybe my girlfriend MIGHT to be on to something.
I recieved an invitation to a "Sadie Hawkins" mixer - A group of girls decided to throw a party at a new bar where every girl had to bring a guy friend they vouched for and thought was a catch. I didn't know any of the girls throwing the event but thought it might be good to be a lil adventurous. The girls throwing the event worked in development so I knew it could be a little "industry" but I decided to go anyways. I went with my good guy friend *BARRY*. Barry was a good date because he was not only good looking, he was confident as hell. If he likes a woman, ain't no stopping him to get to her. Plus he's notorious for saying crazy shit and loves to keep the conversation going.
Now as much as I knew the event would be full of development executives, agents, and managers, I was completely surprised to walk into a bar and be the only black woman in the place. Aside from a few asian women, for the majority of the night, I was the only ethnic person in the room. We live in Los Angeles, one of the most diverse cities in the world but when it comes to this side of the entertainment industry, black people don't get much love.
Immediately Barry was on the hunt. As he explained on the way over this was the best situation for any man " a room full of single desperate women? A fat man in a jumpsuit is going to get some play". As sure enough, Barry was having fun. I on the other hand was not. After being the only person standing as a group conversation began to couple up, for the first time I felt like being a black woman was a disadvantage. I have no problem talking to people and was friendly and fun. Knowing that I looked good that night, Cynthia Vicent camisole, tight James Jeans, and black miu miu patent leather heels. I was one of the best dressed women in the place but aside from a couple friendly women, no one was interested in having a conversation with the black girl in the room. Was my girlfriend right? Do we have it worse then the white girls? Regardless of the various celebrity black women dating outside of their race, are we still on the bottom the list?
Not interested in being somewhere where I felt unwanted, I told Barry it was time to go. Barry is white but when it comes to women, he likes them all, black, white, short, and fat. Barry has no problem finding sexy in various places. I asked him, "Are black women at a disadvantage in Los Angeles?" "Not at all, when you're hot, race doesn't matter". But he went on to tell me that my issue is that I "Don't dress slutty enough". According to Barry, men are not out looking for who they want to marry. They are looking for who they can take home and along the way, they just happen to fall in love.
I have a hard time believing this. So men really have no intentions? They at all times are being led by the small head? Sex is that important to them? That who the women is, what she believes in doesn't matter? Maybe for men in their 20's but I have a hard time believing this is the mentality of the men in their 30s and 40's.
He continues by saying, it's a compliment, that men look at me and see someone that they can't take home to sleep with that night so they move on to the easier suspects. He thought my camisole and jeans and heels was a sexy look but it definitely wasn't slutty.
Now, I have to look at who the advice is coming from. Barry, who I love to death will sleep with anything and everything. He has told me he likes to pick the 10 pound overweight girls because he can "F*ck the weight off". So, I'm necessarily getting the advice from a man who is looking for Ms. Right now. But I have to wonder, is there any truth to his theory? Is this that fact that I hold myself with some level of standards putting me at a disadvantage to meeting someone? Could that be the problem with the "professional black woman" more then the color of her skin? Are we possibly holding ourselves too much to a standard?
I've been lucky enough to have relationships with men in Los Angeles but none of my boyfriends I met in a bar. It was either through being in the same social circle or set up through friends. And honestly, I've never been the girl that gets approached a lot. Could Barry be right? Do men look for the easy road and just happen to fall in love? And as a black woman in Los Angeles, do I need to start showing more T&A to get more dates? I'd love to hear what people think about this.
No comments:
Post a Comment