"I'm so sick of black men and their issues"

I just got off the phone with one my closest friends on her way home from a mid day brunch. She was the only black woman in the room and one of the few women who were single. She had a relationship with these women through work so being the only black woman didn't really bother her. It was the fact that within six months, the last time she saw this group, major things had happened for them. One who recently had a baby, was pregnant with her second, one was engaged, another newly married, and another was getting ready to relocate across country.

"Same ole shit for me. Same job, same car, still single"

And then the next thing she said made me sit upright and get ready to intervene,

"I'm so sick of Black men and their issues".

Wait a minute. What does that have to do with the fact that you are still single? She went on to tell me how white women have it easier. White men don't have the the issues that black men have and as a black woman, for the 17 years she has been dating, has NEVER (yes, she used the word never) been approached by a black man appropriately. Now, as her friend, I know she's being dramatic but I had to ask "Well if you keep on getting the same response from men for 17 years don't you have to look at your role in this"? Of course, she didn't like the suggestion that she had just as much to do with her dating history as the men she has dated.

This is my problem with the whole Black Woman issue. I really don't think White women or Purple women have it better or easier then us. Sorry, I don't. I think what happens is that we think they do. We think that our race separates us from being able to have a successful relationship. Sorry, I just don't buy it. Yes, I'm single, yes I'm black but I believe the crazy relationships that I have had have been because the men were crazy and I was just as crazy for dealing with them. And let me add, their craziness had nothing to do with the fact that they are black, they were just that... crazy! And if for some reason they woke up the next day with less milanin they would still have the same damn issues.

So that is the black woman issue. Often, we think we are entitled to experience less dating crap because we are smart, professional, witty and just damn fabulous. But the truth is, even the most gorgeous women deal with relationship drama and finding the right man for them ( ie: Halle Berry and Jennfer Lopez). Yes, if we are talking about numbers, white women have more of a chance of finding a mate that is suitable to their social economic and professional status but is that really all a relationship is? Someone who makes as much money as you? Someone who attends the same church or golf club then you? I want more then that and honestly, I think finding the RIGHT person takes time, especially when you are still defining who you are. I look back at my past relationships and I know I am NOT the same person and I sure don't want to be ;)

I think the other issue is we have to STOP thinking that being married is the Holy Grail!! I'm sorry married friends, you don't all of a sudden become more "together" or more "righteous" because you found someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. Thats your current place in life and this is mine. The issue is we have put so much emphasis on getting married that we can't enjoy the life that we have now. We have to love where we are and who we are now. And if we don't, guess what, the opposite sex can smell insecurity and will walk the other way.

Time to care of ourselves first ladies. Stay happy, stay hopeful. And then when we are that put together, we're giving them no reason to not want to be with us. I'm working on being that damn great. What about you?