Jessie James. Tiger Woods. Shaq O’Neal. David Boreanaz. Tiki Barber.
These days there is another story of some celebrity cheating on their wives. And then boom, instantly the marriage is dissolved and life moves forward. But what I don’t understand is when people decide to get married, til death do us part, should cheating be the end of a marriage? I am far from a religious conservative or someone who believes in archaic gender roles, I’m just someone who doesn’t understand why people would make the decision to be aligned with someone for the rest of your lives and not mean it. I’ve never been married but I have been cheated on and the feeling is horrible. Regardless of the heartbreaking visual of your partner with someone else, it’s the complete breach of trust that is hard to repair from. But that was with my boyfriend, someone that I made the decision to TRY with. Not someone that I made a commitment in front of my friends, family, and the government to be with regardless of what comes our way. When someone cheats in a marriage, isn’t it the duty of the two parties to at least try to come back from that? I guess that is the one thing I do not understand with the idea of marriage these days. Do people not understand when you decide to marry someone that the possibility of someone screwing up right there in front of your face? The idea of monogamy for the entirety of a union is something that I never subscribed to. Not that it is not possible but the idea that we will not be highly attracted in another human being is so far against our human make up that it is something that both parties have to understand is not easily achieved. You got to work at it. Over and over again. It’s the person that thinks it is easy that scares me.
When I decide to get married, I plan to take my dedication and commitment seriously. I do not plan to stand and make such a public declaration without the thought of me or my partner making a disastrous mistake and what it could mean for our partnership. I am not at all suggesting these marriages should not have ended. I recognize that I do not know these people and have no idea what really happened in their relationships. All I am asking is do people really get married with the understanding that union means “for the rest of their lives”? And if that is not the case, why the hell get married in the first place? We currently live in a society where women have the opportunity to financially support themselves, have sex when they want to, and men can have multiple children outside of a marriage. We no longer HAVE to get married. The advantages that marriage once gave us are accessible without the ring, certificate and thousand of dollars spent on flowers. So, if people are going to do it, shouldn’t we truly consider are partners as people we are want to be with for the REST OF OUR LIVES? Even when they screw up? Why do it, if the union and commitment doesn’t mean anything?
This one is controversial and I know there are plenty out there who think I’m crazy. Love to hear what you guys think.
Well my friend...I hope when you get married, you can hold yourself to these incredibly high standards you're setting. Marriage isn't this oath you take, it's a living, breathing commitment. Once a party in the union breaks the commitment, it makes it very difficult for you to honor your side. It's more than a simple transgression, it's a betrayal. And for some people, certainly not everyone, it puts the level of your faith in your spouse in serious jeopardy. The contract is me and you til death do us part... not me, you and sometimes him or her, when I get bored with you. Both parties have to keep up their end of the bargain. I don't think anyone ever gets married with the intention of getting divorced. Divorce is a soul wrenching, bank account draining experience. But should you share your life with someone who cannot keep their word, honor their promises or preserve your union just because you said you would? You may find yourself with a house built on lies, resentment, jealousy and rage. That's no house anyone should live in. People make mistakes, they are human. Forgiveness is divine. All these things are just slogans, you don't find that out until you find yourself at the crossroads staring at a rock and hard place. You've been cheated on, before, it does hurt. Now multiply that by a thousand, because once you're married, the stakes are that much higher. There is nothing easy about ending a marriage, walking away from someone you have chosen to be your family, walking away from your whole dream of the future. So if someone has had to do it, it was not a simple decision to come to. Union and commitment do mean something - and they should be honored by both parties. Here's an idea: stop cheating, honor commitments that way. Have the strength to go to the person you love and say, I am about to do something very selfish and stupid, help me to stop. Or, courage to stay single and risk being alone because you don't think you can be faithful. And ladies, keep your goddamn legs closed if the man has a ring. And yes, forgive and try to move forward - but give yourself the grace to move on, if you can't.
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If more people had a no cheating policy, and stop accepting it as unavoidable behavior, there would be less cheating - period. Bravo, Sandra and Elin, Bravo.
We all have deal breakers.. For these individuals cheating was theirs. Marriage is an evolving thing. Over the years their are all sorts of heartbreak and moments that will sadden the other party. But the scale of cheating that the formentioned relations had was waaaay over the top. At some u have to say no to maintain your own respect. If Elin accepted Tiger back he wouldn't respect her and she wouldn't ever trust him again. It's best for both parties to move on.
ReplyDeleteTotally agree with both comments. Not at all condoning cheating or the cheater. And I recognize what I have no idea what I would do in this situation. I just wonder when people get married do they even consider the possibility. These days I do think people see divorce as an option. And I agree no marriage should continue if parties are unhappy. Life itself is too precious
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ReplyDeleteI think you have to take into account that many people get married for all the wrong reason an marry people they are not compatible with, marry people because that what the next step is cause you been together for 5, 7 or 10 yrs. we as people change and evolve and the person you where when you got married is not the same person you've become 5, 10 or 15 yrs later. people can and do grow apart or grow in different directions. But I do think that it's a choice not to act on your feelings to be in a sexual relationship with someone other than your spouse. But as humans beings I don't believe that we stop being attracted to other people. you can't help who you are attracted to, or have feeling for. all you can do is control your urge to act on those feelings.
ReplyDeleteat the same time it all depends on your idea of marriage and what you expect from it and what your deal breakers are. I have never been married and I have never been cheated on before so I can't say how I would feel but at the same time I think realistically in terms of separating love and the physical act of sex. I know that I would be hurt if it happen to me but I could work thru something like that. I wouldn't up and leave...
But what I am a against is people staying in a marriage when they are unhappy and the person they are married to doesn't want to see them live to your full potential, staying married because you have children, staying married because you don't want to hurt the other person.
I can speak from experience the best thing my parents could have done was get divorced. there marriage lasted the amount of time it was suppose to. 27 years was a long time but who they were when they met and the common goals they had in life changed and evolved as they matured over the years. I had in-depth conversations with my father when he was alive about his marriage to my mother and what he wanted out a relationship/partner. so i really understood his views on wanting to truly be happy.
I feel my parents were a great example of yes we are not married but we are still friends and they still had a children to raise, my younger sisters, I was already grown. I hope that if I do decide to get married or find someone willing to enter into the marriage that I want and we take our journey and it runs it course and the time comes to ended. ( I don't think all marriage are forever some are destiny to last for a certain amount of time) that I can have the type of relationship that my parents had after they were divorced. people would always ask aren't your parents divorced? why is your mother chillin at the crib with all you and she doesn't live there... but everyone is different, I not saying cheating on anyone is right because what they are really doing is lying to you and that person not being honest about there feeling and expressing how they really feel about the marriage.... that's my 2 cents. PS.. life is to damn short to stay in any time of relationship if you are unhappy point blank period. give them the 2 fingers and find your true happiness :)
Do you think that people drastically change? For instance, did Elin really not know who she was marrying? Same with Sandra.
ReplyDeleteI do think depending on the person, people drastically change. but in tiger's case i mean you have to think about the age he was when they met and he was at a different star status too... so when they met at that time a committed relationship is what he wanted to be in. but what he want could have changed and in his case cheaper to keep her then split up and play the field with all those chicks he had. hell I don't know only Tiger knows why he did it. but who's to say that Tiger was the one that changed, it could have been Elin that Changed?
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