Now, I am not one to generalize but as I get older I realize stereotypes are more often true. Like most black women my age, I always wanted my partner to be my equal -someone around the same age and stage of life. Being with someone divorced or someone who already had kids was a turn off. I didn’t want someone who had already done what I was looking forward to doing. I wanted to explore marriage and parenthood with just as much excitement and naiveté as me. We could mess up together, triumph together and build a life hand in hand. But then I realized these criteria’s have nothing to do with being a good man, and more importantly there might be a very good qualities about a man who has “been there done that” that I could benefit from.
SOMEONE HAS DONE THE HARD WORK FOR ME
Most men in their 20’s and 30’s are still figuring their shit out. As Steve Harvey states, a black man hasn’t figured out what it means to be a man till his 30’s. So getting him after he has figured it out doesn’t sound like a bad plan to me. Someone else gets to deal with his inconstancy, his constant changing of careers, and his years of insecurity. By the time he’s considering a second marriage, he has a pretty good idea what it means to have a successful relationship and knows more about what not to do then I do. The rough edges have been buffed; the heavy loading has all been done before me.
HE KNOWS WHAT HE WANTS
Just like a failed relationship, a failed marriage can clear out all the perceived notions of what you thought you wanted and what you actually need. A divorced man is a lot clearer about what is not a match for him and - less interested in playing any games. If he’s interested, he’s interested and he’s not afraid of letting you know.
HE’S STABLE
Stability in this case doesn’t have to do with money. Now, financial stability of course is a plus and most likely part of the divorced mans package but emotional stability is a huge advantage is an experienced man. Most likely all the drama was experienced in the relationship before me and he’s less interested in dealing with it again. Conflicts are dealt with more interest in the resolution then trying to flex his manhood about who he is and where he stands. He’s cool, confident and collected and ready to move on past the drama and back to the peace.
HE’S EXPERIENCED IN MORE WAYS THEN ONE
Yes, I went there. A great sexual partner is not about quantity but about quality. A man who has been married or has been in a long term relationship for a considerable amount of time has had the chance to not only understand a woman’s body but has the chance to get it right, over and over again. This doesn’t happen with someone who has jumped from one booty call to the next. Any good athlete knows its about conditioning, Can’t just run the track field everyday and think you’re good it. My bet is a divorced man has had more time to study and craft and less time to jump around hungry for the next opportunity.
Of course there are men looking to play regardless of age or status. Dogs come in all shapes and sizes. This list is about the divorced man looking for a relationship. Of course, these are all assumptions but I’m confident that I am more right then wrong.
What do you think? Who’s down to challenge me?
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