I've reached a very... surreal... point in my life. I've been here before but it's not a space I arrive to often. Finally after a year of frustration, I'm at a point where I'm not at all worried about my love life. I don't think about when or where am I going to meet someone, is he interested? or will he call? The odd part of being settled in this moment is once I begin to notice my so called contentment... I freak out. I'm completely okay with my single status that I am freaked out that I am not freaked out! Have I gotten so comfortable with being alone that I no longer expect anything else? I've gotten so okay with being single that I prefer being here alone then dating someone that I am not extremely interested in or someone with an ounce of drama around them. Have I reached a place of contentment that mirrors surrender? Hello... to the rest of my life alone. Without an extreme want to change my social life will it ever change?
I'm scared that I am not scared of being alone.
* I know I am completely out of my mind but this is how my mind oddly works.*
Right now my dating life is completely barren. No possible prospects, not even the guy that can't take a hint that I'm not interested. Because it is sooo quiet... at times I feel like this obviously intended. Everytime I make a conscious effort to date, somthing disasterious happens. It's like God has made a decision for me. I aint suppose to be dating right now for whatever reason. But once my life coach (everyone should have one!) mentioned that people put more effort into thier careers then finding the right person to spend the rest of thier lives with. So I wonder, is finding a partner just as labor intensive as finding your dream job? Interesting enough, I feel like I arrived at this point in my life because I made a conscious effort to put my energy and focus on my career. Not that both can't happen at the same time but my love life doesn't feel as "controlled" as my career decisions can be. Am I crazy to think my love life will figure itself out without me having to do much work? I wouldn't do that with my career. Take a seat and wait for my dream job to show up. Am I out of my mind to think the same is possible when it comes to love? Should I put in the work in my dating life like I do with my career? Make a list of possible places to find a man? Hand my card out to possible prospects or network with the right people who possibly would know the kind of guy I am looking for? I mean, that just sounds crazy as I write it?! But guess what? I know plenty of people where that approached worked for them. They set out a date, made a list and found someone under thier intention (if you haven't seen it, there's a woman in texas that has planned a wedding and hopes to find a man by that time). But I would argue that approach is more about finding SOMEONE then finding the right person. And honestly, I am far from interested in finding just someone.
Am I an ill fated romantic that believes love is so invested with fate and timing that I don't need to do anything but wait for it to appear?
Right now all I am doing is being the best version of myself. Completely invested in making my life what I want outside of my romantic pursuits. I can say I am 100% authentically myself. Isn't that all I can really do? I feel like my love life will follow whenever it damn well feels like it.
Am I enlightened or just too damn lazy?
Yes Aireka you are tripping if you think your love life will work itself out without putting some time into it. Picking a partner is hard work and you can't leave that to chance.
ReplyDeleteand yes your are kind of tripping because you are not freaked out that your are not freaked out that you are comfortable being single. everyone should feel comfortable being single specially woman. if they did feel that way then women wouldn't make so many rash decision on the type of men they put there energy into just out of desperation of not wanting to be single and alone.
there is nothing wrong with being single if your single. but you do have to make a effort in your love life.
fate and destiny have a had in it but at the same time you have to have a hand in your own destiny as well. like you said you don't leave your career up to fate and chance. why would you do it with love....
xoxo
Sometimes when we push to hard in finding the right and perfect person for us, the times doesn't seem to come. For me relationships and love come for a reason. I found a really nice guy on globogirls.com and we got a long. We went to Spain together and we had so much fun together. We're seeing each other currently and I think this is going somewhere serious
ReplyDelete