In the middle of a conversation about coins he bends over and kisses me on the cheek. I try not to make it too much of a big deal because he doesn’t. But inside I smile. This is the first time he has ever shown me affection like that. He continues flipping the coin between heads and tails unaware of any possible interpretation of his action. Obviously it was just something he felt like doing - which only makes the kiss 10 times sweeter.
I remember the days he would refuse to hold my hand. For months, I would ask him a question and he would ignore me simply because he wasn’t interested in talking. But now, no matter where we go, even if we are just walking from the house to the car, he grabs my hand as if it’s the one thing he’s suppose to do. With that kiss, I knew I had arrived to a special place in Henry’s life.
In January when I went freelance, I decided to take a couple babysitting gigs to guarantee some income as I built clients. I had babysat Henry, 8 years old and his sister Cate 6, on and off for years but had never spent considerable time with them on a consistent weekly basis. Regardless of how many times I had previously babysat Henry, when I started to pick him up from school he wasn’t too happy. Each day I was there was a reminder that is mother was busy doing something else. But now 6 months later, Henry and I are a team. We’re best friends with inside jokes. We discuss basketball and sports and talk about movies we can’t wait to see. When he use to cry when I showed up because it was reminder that his Mom was taking off, now he runs toward me, eager to tell me the vital points of his life that I’ve missed.
Now that I most likely soon will not need babysitting anymore, I’m thinking about the time that I have spent. Initially, the desire to baby-sit was only about money but I have gained so much more. Overall, spending time with these kids has also opened my eyes to a couple misconceptions about motherhood and children that I know a lot of other single women have. Check it out:
HOUSEWIVES HAVE IT EASY
I always thought being a stay at home mom left you with more freedom then working full time. Boy was I completely wrong. Henry’s mother was a full time career woman who now stays home with the kids but I have to tell you, I have NEVER seen a more busy person. Between her husband, two children, volunteering at their school, and the basic maintenance of their gorgeous home, she is easily one of the hardest working women I know. Being a mom is a job that not only takes extreme skill but an attention to detail that I don’t know that I have. Plus it’s a gig that you never get to clock out of.
BEING WITH CHILDREN ALL DAY EVERYDAY FEELS LIKE A TRAP
I always saw myself as a working mother simply for the fact that the idea of not interacting with anyone other then my children for the majority of the day felt like a punishment (I’m obviously not ready for motherhood). But spending time with a child everyday has made me realize how satisfying and rewarding time it can be. Granted, I get to return them but I find myself feeling so lucky to be able to have that moment with them. Often when work feels stressful and I’m worried about my career it’s been those hours with Henry that has put it all in perspective for me.
MOTHERHOOD, MARRIAGE, CHILDREN MUST HAPPEN BEFORE 35
Both of the women I work for got married and had children after 35. They didn’t meet their husbands until after 35. They are beautiful vivacious women happily married and happily exploring motherhood. As much as biologically there is a ticking clock, socially life happens when it’s suppose to. Who cares if it is at 32, 28, and 45? It’s still joy and love regardless of when it shows up.
A MARRIAGE IS NEVER THE SAME AFTER KIDS
This is not a misconception this is TRUTH. Not that the change is necessarily negative but it’s no longer about just the two of you. It easily becomes all about the kids. What do they need, how are they etc. Just having a conversation about your day can be difficult when a kid is sitting in the same room. More now then ever I hope that I have at least a few years with my husband to explore marriage, our relationship and build a strong foundation before kids even think of arriving.
The day hasn’t come yet but a huge part of me is heartbroken about my time with Henry coming to an end. No more games of basketball, frozen yogurt runs, or arguing the appropriate lyrics of a song. Being able to experience those simple moments with a child has made me appreciate motherhood so much more. Even answering the most simple questions like “What does inconvenience mean?” or making sure he’s familiar with every single song on Michael Jackson’s Thriller, has made me appreciate how much of who we are, what we like, and how we grow as people is learned. As much as I am happy career wise to not need the babysitting but I’m definitely choked up about not having that time with him. Babysitting as an adult has been like an internship in motherhood. I think every single woman considering being a mother has to do it. It’s life changing. At least it has been for me.
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