SINGLE WITH NO ATTACHMENTS V.S MARRIED WITH KIDS - WHOSE GOT THE BETTER DEAL?

In so many moments in life we seem to want what we can’t have. Ever so often when we receive what we have coveted for so long we realize life without it wasn’t so bad. So many single people experience their autonomy with uncertainty and spend being single looking forward to that magical day when they are married with kids. We, especially women, view being married and having children as the sign of full arrival – finally reaching life’s potential. The only problem is married with kids might not be as magical as we believe.

This month, New York Magazine features “All Joy and No Fun – Why parents hate parenting”. According to sociologists married couples with children are the least happy. They are happy to be parents, find joy in being “settled” but the constraints and constant worry attributed to parenting causes more stress then most realize. One of the interesting points to the article is doctors believe the rise of people being “unhappy” once having children is simply because people are getting married a lot later in life. Now we know what we are missing. Because men and women are spending more time independently living on their own, parenting couples find the autonomy that most single people complain about inviting. Remember the numerous nights alone wishing someone was there with you? Possibly years from now you will be holding a child while watching another wishing for just once to be fully alone. So maybe we all need to just hold our horses a little bit and enjoy the life that we have because at the end of the day…. we might be a lot luckier then we think.

I think it’s important for all of us single folks, men and women, to realize that being single is not a death sentence. The only reason that it might feel like that is simply because we are not fully experiencing our current stage of life. We have a life full of opportunities to go anywhere and do anything. A freedom that will no longer be apart of your life once it becomes much bigger than you.  So many of us look towards the pending future as the “answer” but as the article states married with children doesn’t bring the automatic gift of happiness.

It’s interesting to realize that the aimless feeling of not know what is happening next in life is the one emotion we could possibly be missing once we are settled. A married friend of mine admitted to going through a small depression right after tying the knot. For so long she was looking forward to finding “Him”. When she found him the next obsession was when were they going to get engaged. Once they were engaged, it was all about the wedding and once they were married she sat at home wondering what’s next? There wasn’t much to dream about. She had all that she wanted. 

I think the New York Magazine article points to the fact that we are all pretty lucky in our own way. And we really have to understand and live as such. I think once we are able to fully accept and enjoy being single we might arrive to the ability to meet someone and move into the next stage of life. I know that might sound odd right? Having to love being single to be able to move into marriage? But unfortunately the unhappiness of our present stage can essentially be the one thing holding us back from moving forward. So all the single women out there, it might be becoming “happily single” that brings the possibility of being “happily married with kids”. 

Am I making any sense here?