MEN ARE MADE FOR POLYGAMY - AND OTHER STUPID IDEAS SOME MEN WANT US TO BELIEVE

I recently went to a relationships panel. A friend of mine was putting together a sizzle reel about two men giving love and relationship advice. I was actually excited to attend because lord knows I like to argue with the best of them. Especially when it comes to relationships and what the hell is wrong with people these days. Unfortunately the men, my relationship experts for the hour, weren’t exactly… shall we say smart? The problem was they would give these bogus ideals based in no sense of validity. One of them has suck with me since I left:

“Men aren’t made for Monogamy. Men are wired for Polygamy”.

Huh? We’ve all heard the comment that men are not wired for Monogamy but Polygamy? How is that possible? I honestly, believe the guy actually didn’t know what he was saying. Polygamy is a social construction of marriage. It’s the institution of a man having multiple wives to mate with multiple women. Polygamy is not having sex with multiple people is actually a commitment just like marriage but to multiple people at once.  As many people have a hard time staying committed in one relationship is it actually logical to say men wired to be committed to multiple women at one time? I’m going to have to label that one as a big fail. Sorry buddy but Polygamy just like marriage is a social construction. An idea WE as people made up.  Can you really argue the possibility of a belief based on biology? My point is polygamy or monogamy is based on what you believe in. Not what your body is capable of.

Now let’s talk about Monogamy. Is it possible for a man to be with one woman for the rest of his life? Hell Yes! Just as it is possible for a woman to be with one man sexually for the rest of her life. All is possible, the more interesting question is, is it likely? I full heartedly believe that men have the ability to separate sex and love in a way that does not come naturally for most women. Therefore a sexual act with another woman doesn’t have to impede on their feelings for their wife/girlfriend. Now women, I included, tend to keep our emotions connected to our sexual desires. Sexual desire and emotion are co dependent best friends, afraid to go places without the other. It’s because of our two distinctly different relationships with emotion and sexual desire that people translate that to the possibility of monogamy. The only problem is that monogamy is not a physical act. It’s a commitment. Based on physiology there are many things that our bodies are not made to do, but are minds make them possible. In that sense, Monogamy is no different then finishing and training for a marathon. I’m sorry, our bodies are just not made to run 26 miles. I’m not a doctor but after running a half marathon, I’ve deducted it’s a physical act God did not intend for us to do. It’s brutal and just plain mean. But it’s the mental belief  and commitment that gets people across the finish line. So monogamy is just as possible for a man and it is for a woman. It’s all about if he or she believes in it.

In my future marriage, I don’t expect monogamy. I expect someone to work as hard at is as I do. Someone willing to make the commitment and put in the work. Physically, we are all going to be attracted to multiple people in our lives. It’s the commitment and your commitment to the commitment that makes its all real.

Now stop saying men cant be monogamist. It’s simply not true. And stop believing monogamy is easy for women either.  Sure biologically, men think about sex more often then women and I am not arguing that men might not have more issues then women but at the end of the day it’s all about what you believe in.