I had a great weekend full of alcohol, sunshine and good friends; the beginning of a great summer in L.A. This weekend especially I felt the importance of good girlfriends. I am blessed and fortune to have built strong friendships with amazing women. It blows my mind when I come across other fantastic women who voice that they have had problems with female friendships. My girlfriends are essential to my sanity and I don’t know how people live without them.
But, how come we have the tendency to abandon these relationships as soon as we start dating someone serious? It’s something about women that I never understood. I have been guilty of committing this crime but honestly, it was only in the relationships that I had no business being in. I didn’t want to admit how I was with the wrong guy and the best sure way of doing that is to not spend time with my girls so I didn’t have to tell the truth. The relationships where I felt the freedom to be who I am, I wanted to see my girlfriends. I looked forward to spending exclusive evenings with them. There was less of a need to be with my man all the time and more of a want to independently continue the important relationships that contributed to the person that I was. Why is this the first thing we lose when we fall in love? Of course, I am not in a serious relationship right now so I can logically comment on this phenomenon. Sadly, I see it become more of a problem as we get older. We spend less time going out as groups. We get boggled down with our careers, daily rituals, that all of our free time immediately goes to the new man in our life. There is a huge part of my brain that understands this rationally but how come we easily can abandon the women in our lives that have been there for years to a person that we have only known for such a short time?
The obvious answers are sex and intimacy. These two things we all are searching for regardless if we want to admit it or not. We all want it but there’s got to be a way to balance both our love relationships and our friendships at the same time. Sure, it’s not easy but I believe our friendships are important enough to put in the hard work. We are so easily willing to put in the extra work in our love relationships why can’t easily do that with our friendships?
I love and need my girlfriends. There is a subtle understanding that women give that no matter how close I am to my man I can never get from him. The odd thing is that men don’t seem to have this issue. Regardless of their relationship status, making time for their boys seems effortless. But again, I’m a woman so maybe that’s just an assumption and men have issues maintaining their friendships also. I have been also lucky enough to have die hard friendships with men and but also noticed that as soon as they are serious with a girlfriend, our friendship shifts. But in some odd way, regardless of my own disappointment, I can understand it more than when I lose my girlfriends under the same circumstance.
Maybe that’s the key; understanding the change in the friendship as a shift, not a loss. Maybe it’s just the pure understanding that friendships ebb and flow especially when one finds love. Possibly, true friendships are the ones that maintain themselves regardless of time and effort.
I guess today’s post is really just a big huge ramble of thoughts. I don’t have answers or a real clear stance… just an observation.
Ladies, why do we have an issue maintaining our friendships when we hit coupledom? And men… is this just a female issue or do men also disappear when they get a lady?
Happy Monday People! Let’s discuss…
I have the same observation. And I am in a relationship, albeit long distance. But even when I am in local relationships, I still make time to see my girlfriends. I think it is so important for women to maintain a "girlfriend space" even when they are in relationships. The problem is, it is so hard to get relationships out here that when we do, I guess, women feel that they need to spend every waking moment with that man or they will lose him. Maybe Im wrong. Also, it is just hard to juggle work, relationship, family and friends. I think the answer though, as with everything else, is good planning and preparation. Just like I make plans to go the gym, and make plans for my dates, and make plans for my book club, I think we are perfectly capable of planning a monthly girlfriend outing. When we are in relationships, we cant meet every weekend. But I dont see why we cant meet for a quick workout or set up a monthly meeting. I think all relationships blossom and succeed with effort and planning. Our relationships with our girlfriends are no different.
ReplyDeleteI think the problem is what you said. That the older we get the more demanding our careers become. So we have to put more effort into maintaining our friendships when at one point those friendships didn't take effort to maintain. Work harder play harder.
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