He either likes you or He doesn’t.
My girlfriends and I have this ongoing debate. I believe it doesn’t take long for someone to know where you stand in his or her life. Regardless of how busy they are, they call you, they text, they want you to know they are thinking about you. And if they don’t, you’re not that important. My girlfriend believes that relationships are not that black and white and especially in the beginning, no one should show all their cards.
But I hate playing games. It’s exhausting and prolongs the experience of getting to know someone. I wish we could go back to the days of Kindergarten and pass out cards that simply say “Do you like me? Check Yes or No". But as much as I refuse to play them, I always go back to my experience PAUL. Maybe games are exactly what keeps relationships interesting.
I met Paul when I was young and naïve. As much as he would disappear and reappear, I just knew he was head over heels for me, he just needed a little push to realize it (naïve remember). Paul was bicoastal. He spent a lot of time in Los Angeles but lived on the east coast. Whenever he was out of town, I didn’t hear from him. But I didn’t think twice about it. He’s a busy man, remember? Because he was so in and out of my life, I took my friends advice and continue to date other people. One night I was actually on a date with someone else when I ran into him. I had no idea he was in town and he was surprised to see me with someone else. I played it cool and even introduced him as my “friend” to my date. Sure enough, an hour later Paul was blowing up my phone. He didn’t like seeing me with someone else and knew if he didn’t get it together, someone could easily move in. Now, this wasn’t intentional, but I loved his response and wasn’t going to let him know that I really couldn’t stand the guy that I was out with. So instead of getting rid of Man #2, I kept him around for whenever I needed him. And a few weeks later, Paul was acting up again and I devised a plan to get what I want. And to my surprise, it actually worked.
I knew where Paul liked to have lunch meetings. So that day I had a lunch date at the same place with Man #2. I made sure my phone calls with Paul were sporadic the day before and even chose a table near the entrance so I knew he would have to pass us to go in and out. What I didn’t plan was for Paul to call me literally as he was parking. Perfect. I didn’t answer and looked especially interested in whatever Man #2 was saying. Sure enough Paul turned that corner and stopped when he saw me and I, the non-actor that I am, purposely looked stunned, as if I had been “caught”. The moment lasted maybe 10 seconds and Man #2 had no idea what was going on.
Sure enough, Paul called and wanted to have a “talk” that night. He needed to know where we stood with each other and if we were ready to date exclusively. As soon as I started to approach dating with strategy and competition, I got what I wanted from him. As my girlfriend would say, I didn’t let him see the cards I was playing with.
A couple months later, I realized the fact that I was able to manipulate Paul so easily really had nothing to do with me. Paul liked to be KING and he needed everyone to see him as that. As much as he walked around as Mr. Confident, he was deeply insecure and needed everyone, including every woman between Los Angeles and New York, to need him in their life. Without being needed, Paul had no identity. His desire for me after seeing me with someone else essentially had nothing to do with me in the first place. Sure, I got what I wanted, but it definitely wasn’t what I needed. The inconsistent insecure man was there within the first week we dated but I didn’t want to see it. I was so caught up in winning some sort of prize, I don’t really think sat down and looked at who Paul was and do I really want to be with someone like him?
So it just brings me back to my initial thought… how important are games in a relationship? I believe when you really connect with someone deeply, games aren’t necessary. You want to see them and really don't care how many days it's been since your last call. You don't mind stating your intentions or even letting them know they are the only person you are dating. And if you need to play games and hide what you are really thinking, I wonder how much you really liked them in the first place.
I don't know, maybe my view of relationships are limited. Maybe what I am looking for is only in the movies but when I look at the relationships of my past that actually worked for some time, it was pretty simple at the beginning. As much as I try to change, the hopeless romantic still believes that love in its most pure form is simple, easy, and non-complex. Any other version of it is just a waste of time.
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